This is a mish-mash of random thoughts that popped into my head at 4 am this morning when I was wishing I was in bed fast asleep rather than lying awake fretting over my financial state.  Rather than fret, I moved on to profound thought on subjects that nobody is talking about right now. Let me tell you, at 4 in the morning, I am truly on the cutting edge.

Facebook: I cannot recommend this site to enough people. Actually, I don’t really care if you join if I don’t know you, but if you are a friend of mine or related to me, please sign up now. It makes my life tidy. All my peeps are stached in a file on a server owned by a dude by the name of Mark Zuckerberg. Your comments and Irish Whiskey flair, Easter Eggs, Christmass Ornaments, Photos, and notes about who you dated in high school are there for my viewing pleasure. I watch your children grow even though you are three states away. I find out that a former colleague is being interviewed on TV. I learn what my school mates are doing and where in the world they have gone. I track my neice in Buenos Aires, my nephew in New York City, my daughter in Daytona, and my best friends just a few miles away.

Where else can you have a conversation with your cousin in California, a high school classmate that you haven’t seen or talked to for 30 years, and your boss from your last job – all there for the rest of your community to enjoy or not as they desire? And, all this, while you are being reminded that your sister-in-law’s birthday is tomorrow, and Easter is coming so send everyone an Easter egg. Some of the apps are silly. Some of them are annoying, but isn’t that just like life? I have friended people that, in another age, I would never see or hear from again. I may not ever see some of them again and we may only talk through Facebook once or twice a year, but isn’t it just about the most amazing thing that by opening up a browser window to a particular link, I am in the playground of many people who are near and dear (or perhaps not so near or dear but fondly included) to me?

Twitter: I’m listening to snippets of conversation from people like Andrew Levy of Red Eye and Ellen DeGeneres. I’m also starting to gain a following and I have started following others.  I purposefully search for political voices, i.e., Libertarians, people who share other interests like gardening, and I even find myself looking for people located in geographical proximity. I’m not a big talker or tweeter. Several people who use Twitter to promote whatever it is they’re selling have become my followers. I’m not sure whether I looked like an easy target or my few tweets are so incredibly profound that the world is landing on my door step (5 or 10 at a time).  These People appear to use Twitter well. They are making themselves household brands by sharing thoughts, advice and savvy ideas. They encourage and, in 140 characters or less, brighten our day with great quotes and interesting thoughts. I am sure they are the smart ones. They are the new generation of sales people. Bright, ambitious, and good looking, they command attention.

I have been on both Facebook and Twitter since the early days of each app. When Leo LaPorte and Ambur McCarthur first interviewed their creators on the podcast, Net at Night, I immediately signed up.  I didn’t use either one very much for a long time simply because no one I knew was using them. Last summer there was an explosion of friends and family joining Facebook.  Apparently the tipping point had been reached and later adopters finally caught up.

Podcasts: I still have friends who have never listened to a podcast. I find this incredible. There is so much good information and entertainment available now. No matter what you are interested in, be it meditation, technology, sex, politics, etc., etc., there is something to fit your particular niche. All pre-recorded. All available for free to anyone who has any device that can download and play an MP3 file. Please people, if you haven’t started listening yet, go search i-Tunes on your favorite subject and start listening.

Red Eye: For those of us who enjoy political humor and who are also not of the liberal mindset, finding amusing talk shows on TV that are not fixated on bashing anything remotely conservative is like finding a Republican in Hollywood. Finally, the Fox News channel has given Libertarians the fix that we so crave – hillarious commentary on the political side of life. If you haven’t watched yet, time to turn on the TIVO or DVR. You probably won’t be awake to watch it live, but it is well worth the space on your recording disc.

And if you disagree, you, sir, are worse than Hitler. (thank you Greg Gutfeld)

I have friends who are wondering, right now, where their next few dollars will come from. We have all been through tough times before, but the number of those experiencing financial challenges continues to grow. To some extent my husband and I are in the same boat. If you have read this blog for any amount of time, you will know that we are both job hunting. We keep receiving contract work and we keep paying our bills, but we are skimming the edges. The daily news is grim, the Dow Jones and NASDAQ continue to drop, the job boards are sparse, and at moments it seems that the world is out of control.

There are days when I feel that I should rush out and find any job that I can get. Those are the days when I’m set solidly in fear. There are days when I am so grateful for this time to write, to contemplate, to play, to create, to be with people I love. None of these did I have time for a year ago when I was working more than full time and going to school.  Since I quit my job and came home to Colorado, I have completed the first book in a series of garden photography books, including photographing the garden throughout its entire season. I have spent time with my elderly parents. I have started a recipe book at the request of my son. I have reconnected with several old freinds and relatives I hadn’t seen for years.  Life is really good and none of these blessings have come from having a lot of money and a prestigious job. Don’t get me wrong – I would not balk at either or both of those coming into my life right now, but there are many ways to look at life’s experiences. I can say without any doubt that not being employed has led to a shower of blessings.

I saw a t-shirt a few years ago with the saying, “if you aren’t living on the edge, you are taking up too much room.” It is a little scary standing out here on the edge, but the scenery is so much better than when I was sitting in an office. I’m trying to not pay too much attention to my 401K nor my bank account because the scenery there is none too pretty. I realized, though, that I can allow that to take up as much room in my life as I choose. I have not truly wanted for anything, or shall I say, I have not truly needed for anything, and practicing a little self-discipline that I have not had to practice for years is a good thing. Saying no to shopping sprees for clothes I really don’t need and staying out of restaurants is not a bad thing.

Today, one of my Facebook friends forwarded a link to an article about our economic times that hits home:  Finding Diamonds in the Rubble. There is a good possibility that we are going to go through a lot more troubled times before our economy turns around, but facing that possibility and continuing to follow my dreams is far less frightening than remaining in a location and position where I felt the light of my very soul being snuffed out. I have no idea what the future holds but I do believe that I am (as we all are) a diamond in the rough and slowly, bit by bit, a nice polish is being applied.

Today I’m going to dip my toe in the waters of faith. I keep moving closer – inch by inch – to living the life I was born to live. I feel a magnet pulling me. Sometimes I step along willingly and sometime I feel as though I am being drug toward it with my fingers barely holding onto the life I don’t want (with a death grip, I might add).

Moving back to Colorado was a huge plunge. I had no idea what I would do here or how the bills would be paid and resources have flowed in beautifully. Now, though, it is not enough just to decide that I have to be here. I have to do work that I love.  This life is precious and so are our dreams.  There is no point in doing any kind of work that creates fear and holds me sleepless in worry. 

So, off I go to change the course of my life yet again.  I don’t know whether I’m jumping on a ship that is sailing toward rough waters or if I’ll find myself on a calm sea, but whatever happens, at least I am making a choice to follow the nudge my gut keeps giving me.    Bon Voyage!

Now that I have accomplished my goal of finishing my Bachelor’s Degree, I have begun thinking about my next adventure and I’ve also been enjoying just being present in this moment. So much of college is planning and staying ahead of the game. Keeping track of what is coming up and how one did on the last assignment that there is little time for the present.

Cooking or baking, for me, is one of the best ways to be in the moment. All of the sense become involved – the feel of the dough, the smell of the sauce, the mixing of textures, the sounds of the kitchen, counting, measuring, watching, monitoring, all keep me anchored in the here and now. 

Tonight we made fondue. Sometimes I want to be left alone in the kitchen to experiment and play. Tonight my husband and I played together preparing the meat and vegetables that would accompany the fondue, drinking a cocktail while creating our work of art. It is a time of camaraderie strengthening the bond of our marriage with another memory to treasure. s

I don’t know yet where life will take me. I am content to pause for a while between adventures to savor my accomplishment, to anticipate the unknown, and to trust the God is opening the path before me.

I finished my last two college classes on Friday around noon. I have had more than 48 hours of free time since then. After more than 1 1/2 years of constant pressure to complete assignments, there is an odd void hanging over me. I am uncomfortable with the lack of absolute need to get something accomplished every waking moment. I have cleaned out kitchen cupboards, updated my resume, scoured the job boards, and still have had an enormous amount of free time. It is hard to imagine life without constant pressure.

It is also exciting to think about prospects.  I am back home in the place I love. I now have a Bachelor’s Degree to add to my resume. I have tons of experience. The possibilities are endless! In addition, we’re starting a new year, and doesn’t it always just seem like the beginning of the year is a great time for optimism? I just know that I am off to a great start for 2009.

Now, let the work roll in!

Music, music, music. We have had a week filled with the best music. What a joy it is to watch people we know and love evolve into their talents and skills, to become well known in the community and to succeed at something they love so much and do so well. 

Last Saturday night we met up with friends to listen to Jeremy Fackwitz (www.jeremysongs.com) delight and entertain us at the Speedtrap in Palmer Lake. Thursday night we went to Studio B at the Pikes Peak Center in Colorado Springs to enjoy a concert with Susan Rissman, KJ Braithwaite, and Joe Uveges (http://cdbaby.com/cd/rissmanuvegesbraithw) who have recently produced a CD of original music.  After their brief concert, we all trooped over to Rico’s on Tejon and listened to the same artists and friends entertain us for several hours. 

Tonight was Dotsero(http://www.dotsero.org/) playing at the Tri Lakes Art Center in Palmer Lake. The room was packed, but being a small room, that means an audience of 250 or so. What this small group might have lacked in numbers we made up for in enthusiasm. There was definitely a connection between audience and performer.  I have never heard Dotsero live before and I have to say, if you ever get the chance, don’t miss out. I almost passed to stay home and concentrate on homework, and I’m incredibly thankful I made the choice to go. 

There must be something in the air lately in the form of patriotism because both the Rissman/Braithwaite/Uveges trio and Dotsero played patriotic songs. Incredibly moving.

There is much for which to be thankful this season. We are home in Colorado. We have reconnected with dear friends and we have made new dear friends. The music scene is alive and well and seemingly greatly appreciated here. So many blessings – what a great life!

We left the house tonight just before the last light had disappeared behind the mountains. This is one of, oh, half a dozen of my favorite times of day. The evening star is hanging gently over Mt. Herman. The horizon fades from dusty, almost baby, blue to midnight blue, and, of course, because it’s yet another piece of Ultimate Artistry, trying to tell you about it is a little like trying to describe God. It just isn’t possible. 

The drive brings us closer to the mountains for Palmer Lake nestles in the belly of the foothills of the great Rockies. The coffee house, no more than the proverbial hole in the wall sits inobtrusively in the old McCall’s store. Books line the north wall and a collection of easy chairs, ottomans, and cafe tables and chairs are scattered throughout the room.  Palmer Lake memorobilia and eclectic artwork decorate other walls. Some recall moments of my childhood like the flood of ‘65. Others bring a vibrancy to the old place. All of it wraps around me as if to define who I am.

We meet friends who share our joy in life. We talk, we laugh. We share wine and coffee and food. We remenisce over shared experiences, tell new stories, and make plans for the future. The musician begins to play. He makes us laugh. He makes us think. And then he makes us laugh some more, and we all feel connected to him and to each other.  

Tonight all I can do is repeat to myself over and over and over. I am so glad to be home. Was there ever anyone who felt so overwhelmingly eternally grateful for these precious moments?

I am home.

I am home.

Did you ever wake up in the morning in a great mood and then you and the spouse/significant other get into some stupid tiff? My husband is my best friend and a good majority of the time we get along just fine. We each have our own little annoyances that we always have to live with, work with, deal with, or ignore, but as far as I can tell, that’s just what life is all about. I don’t tighten the lids on jars; he leaves his beer bottles sitting around; I don’t always get him; he doesn’t always get me.  Every relationship I’ve been able to observe up close seems to have similar elements so I don’t get too terribly concerned. That’s just a part of life. 

The thing that always gets me is that silence that can occur when neither party is willing to concede. We walk past each other in some kind of stubborn display of wills and wait for the other party to speak or act first. Silly and childish, but we probably wouldn’t have had a disagreement if we had not acted silly and childish in the first place.

One would think that 2 adults who love each other would learn to interact on a different level when disagreements arise, but then I guess if we were doing that we wouldn’t be needing this experience… this life. When I look at the world and all the huge differences that keep arising, I have to stop and be eternally grateful that though we do not always mesh, there is one person that I can call best friend, lover, partner, pal and so much more; who will forgive me my transgressions, put up with my snoring, tell me I’m lovely even at my worst moments, and continue to love me through good stuff and bad. 

Now, where were we before we got derailed? Oh, yeah, I remember… it’s a beautiful morning, the sun is shining and my best friend is waiting to spend the day with me.

This weekend we have enjoyed our first bit of autumn weather in Monument, Colorado.  Heavy low clouds hang on the mountains. The world has closed in around the yard. Red, gold, and brown leaves are scattered over the fading green of the lawn. A few last hardy mums and asthers still blossom. Tiny drops of moisture cling to bare branches. The fog brings with it a certain tranquility… a hush that makes me want to slow down and enjoy life in the moment just a little bit more.  I haven’t turned on the news this weekend. I know, outside, there is still a world having a financial crisis and politicians madly dashing about the country with an urgency to be the One. Here, there is no madness, no hostility, no crisis looming on the horizon. There is just the garden and the fog and the colors of autumn.

Over the years friends and family have sent me both Republican and Democratic leaning information/propaganda. I have decided that when time allows I will respond. I like to rant, but I typically stick to sharing my opinions with those with similar views. However, if we have not already reached that tipping point upon which our country will never recover from the ferocious sucking sound that is the US government, it is time to speak out and be another small voice shouting, not from the wilderness, but the repudiated (by some) small town. Most recently I received an email that contained an opinion piece written by Deepak Chopra, a person whose books I have read and admired. In the past I have generally tended to agree with what he teaches.  Here is a link to the article to which I respond today: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/deepak-chopra/obama-and-the-palin-effec_b_123943.html?page=2.

    I find it interesting that those who most exhort that we can create our own lives feel so compelled to have the government constantly interfere in our lives. Those people (Deepak Chopra, Oprah Winfrey, Ellen) typically support the Socialist agenda. Socialism, at its core, denies that each person is and should be free and that each person has the ability to create a new and better life. Socialism denies the ability of the human spirit to rise up and of its own accord give and share with others, or even be willing to give and share with others because socialism trusts no one – no individual, that is. Socialists believe that the government knows better than you or I how best to care for ourselves and how best to choose when and how to spread one’s charity. In other words, Socialism denies allowing us to live the life we were supposed to live with all of its bumps and bruises, ups and downs, successes and failures, joys and sorrows. Life here and now is all about learning. We learn from successes. We learn from failures. We learn from the consequences of our actions. We learn from our own guilt and shame when we make poor decisions. We learn from the joy and gladness we feel when we make wise decisions. We learn from selfish acts and we learn from charitable acts. If the government, rather than I, is in charge of my charity I am enslaved. I am a prisoner of another man. I have no choice in my charity or lack thereof. When the government is in charge I do not have to think about how to use my resources. I become a robot working for the state.   

Obama is a socialist. He and those like him desire to enslave us all to their will. And when that happens, the human experience shall be all for naught. You may not agree with Palin’s social conservatism, but if we pause to consider on what path her social conservatism might possibly lead, there is little to fear. For example, she does not believe in abortion. If it turned out that she actually had some ability to affect the overturning of Roe vs. Wade, the abortion decision just reverts power back to the states which is the way it should be anyway.

As to Chopra’s list – “Look at what she stands for:”

   DC: Small town values — a denial of America’s global role, a return to petty, small-minded parochialism.

First, the definition of parochialism is : the quality or state of being parochial; especially : selfish pettiness or narrowness (as of interests, opinions, or views) (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/parochialism). So what you are saying is “a return to petty, small-minded petty small-mindedness.”  A double insult, I assume, for those who love small towns. I can’t begin to guess at your reasoning for believing that people who love small towns are petty and small-minded. Perhaps a more thorough description would help us all to understand. Most of us who live in small towns (it has been my experience) are proud of America’s global role. We delight in the fact that America time and again has stood up to oppressors such as Hitler, Stalin, Mussolini, Kaiser Wilhelm II. Most of us are delighted that we have long stood for freedom and liberty.  In an individual’s life one tends to make mistakes. A country is no different. We have not been perfect. Our country allowed the abomination of slavery and for a long time believed that women were inferior. When I was a small child I believed in Santa Claus. When I grew up I believed differently. It is beyond me how the people who established our country could actually believe that enslavement of any human was acceptable. And yet, today, people like Deepak Chopra still believe it is acceptable if it fits with his social agenda.

Karl Marx wanted everyone to live in industrial areas. I love the small town – I love small town values. Whoever said that small town values have anything to do with petty small mindedness has no understanding of true small town values.

DC:  Ignorance of world affairs — a repudiation of the need to repair America’s image abroad.

 Our reputation is tarnished with socialist societies and the only way to mend that is to also become  socialist. Our reputation with nations where we have caused harm should be fixed by getting out of their business, and yet, again and again, we are called to act. You want us not to interfere with other countries, but you do want to interfere with an individual’s rights. You can’t have it both ways.

 DC: Family values — a code for walling out anybody who makes a claim for social justice. Such strangers, being outside the family, don’t need to be heeded.

What is a claim for social justice? Demanding at the point of a gun that I act the way you want me to act? That I support causes that you want me to support? If I take care of my family and friend and you take care of yours, the web is held and there are no strangers. By the way, small town people tend to be very friendly, open, and welcoming to visitors/strangers, as well as friends and family. 

DC: Rigid stands on guns and abortion — a scornful repudiation that these issues can be negotiated with those who disagree.

How do you negotiate with a government who will itself enslave you to its laws at the point of a gun? The laws continue to pile one upon another. Humankind will become sheep ruled by the wolf who will consume more and more, never satiated, never tired of finding a new way to “make us safe, make us healthy, make us bow to your every whim.”

DC: Patriotism — the usual fallback in a failed war.

Patriotism is commonly defined as love of and/or devotion to one’s country. The word comes from the Latin patria, and Greek patris, πατρίς.^[1]

Excuse me, but what exactly is wrong with patriotism?  

 DC: ‘Reform’ — an italicized term, since in addition to cleaning out corruption and excessive spending, one also throws out anyone who doesn’t fit your ideology.

    Why do you repudiate reform? What if McCain and Palin actually did reform Washington? Would that be such a crime? Spending is out of control on both sides of the aisle. I want less spending and less government interference in my life. I don’t want more government. If you’re so fond of the government taking your money and giving it to others – give all your money to the government and get all of your friends to do the same, and then I’ll know that you speak the truth. Then I will know that you sincerely care about those who have less than you do and that you trust this government more than you trust yourself to take care of others’ welfare.

I am a social liberal and an economic conservative. In this political system I am forced to choose between economic liberalism (socialism) on the one side and economic conservatism on the other; social liberalism on the one side and social conservatism on the other.  I by far choose economic conservatism/social conservatism.

The dilemma for me is this: As a Libertarian I disagree with both parties. Where there is a possibility of electing a Libertarian, I will do so.  I don’t know what I will do this election. I want to make a statement – stand up for what I believe despite the consequences, but sometimes one also has to pick those things that best serve and push for small bits of progress where one can. The biggest problem we face is our huge federal government that has its hands in everything we do. The second problem is special interests – environmentalists, mothers against drunk drivers, prochoice, prolife, animal rights, etc., the third is the state and local governments who take up where the Federal government leaves off. When there is no choice, I must put the candidates on a mental scale and decide what weighs more heavily. Because both Republicans and Democrats now promote socialist policies – i.e., government bailouts, corporate and individual welfare programs, etc., it is quite difficult to determine who will work to reduce the size of government and its interference in my life. The first time George W. Bush ran for office he promised lower taxes, less government spending, etc. I believed him, and here he is spending, spending, spending. Of course, he has a congress with a Democratic majority so it is not all on his shoulders.

In my mind economic enslavement is a greater evil than a bent toward social enslavement because the more people are economically free, the more avenues they have to information and education which provides them with the opportunity to think for themselves and gain wisdom/common sense. If people have economic freedom they tend to have a certain measure of responsibility. Those who feel responsible for themselves tend to not need to have others take care of them, but they also tend to lend a helping hand when someone is in need. I believe that it is almost impossible to socially enslave people if they can’t be economically enslaved. When it comes down to it then, I will continue to lean toward the Republican side when given only the two choices because if the person isn’t just a wolf in sheep’s clothing, there is at least some small chance that the politician truly believes and acts on the belief that the individual rather than the government should choose how and where to spend his or her own money.